Oscar Fashion 2020 Recap: I Could Eat In That
The Oscar frocks of 2020 were a giant snore. The looks were a flashback to South Shore Plaza circa 2004. If you want to make an homage to the mid-aughts bebe or BCBG collections, then make an homage. Don’t make direct copies! I’m looking at you Penelope Cruz in Chanel. A pearl necklace as belt? Groundbreaking. Broke my face because I fell off my couch with ennui.
Satin pink with black lace accents and baubles will always look like that hooker Mathew Broderick visits before he ships out to war in Biloxi Blues. I appreciate sex work. I don’t appreciate the fashion that idiot men want sex workers to wear.
I wasn’t that disappointed in what I was seeing because everyone knows the Golden Globes bring the better outfits. No one looked like they just came from their Roto Rooter gig at the GGs. And as I get older and less inclined to restrict my caloric intake for any occasion, my Best Dressed list has morphed into an I Could Eat in That list.
Maya Rudolph in Valentino: I Could Eat Nachos in That
Sheila E helped design this dress: She wants to lead the glamorous life. Bury me in a sparkle caftan just like this.
Karen Rupert Toliver: I Could Eat a Margherita Pizza in That
Margot Robbie in Chanel: I Could Eat a Char Polish Hot Dog in That
Plus, this dress has built-in napkins.
Elvira Lind: I Could Eat Two Dozen Wellfleet Oysters in That
Yellow is having a season! I credit the Nike Australian Open collection.
Caitriona Balfe in Valentino: I Could Eat Biscuits & Gravy in That
If you are going to do pink/black together, this is way to do it. The shape of the sheer top gives it movement and makes the dress look expensive.
Billie Eillish in Chanel: I Could Eat a Large Bucket of Buttered Popcorn in That (and then get a refill)
Who knew the trick to finding I Could Eat in That fashion is to buy it 4 sizes too big!
Florence Pugh in Louis Vuitton: I Could Eat Banana Pudding in That
Layers and layers of hiding places.
Olivia Colman in Stella McCartney: I Could Eat a Tuna Melt in That
I would also get arrested for continually rubbing myself. “What is that? Velvet?”
Kristen Wiig in Valentino: I Could Eat This Actual Dress
Just like Garfield, I love lasagna.
What were your favorite Oscar Red Carpet Fashions? What would you eat while wearing all these dresses?
