Let Amy introduce you to a few Bachelorette randos
Heidi is the resident Bachelor/Bachelorette savant, truly the Lord’s work. But she has had a DAY, distance learning/homeschooling/not murdering, so I (Amy) thought I would help her out by introducing you to some of the newest Bachelorette contestants.
Do I watch this show? Nope.
Am I psychic? Maybe a little.
Can I give you these dudes’ bios from pics alone? Absolutely.
I now present to you: the men who are looking to win some lady’s heart! (editor’s note: her name is Clare)
Let’s do this thing!
Name: Edd (with 2 Ds)*
Occupation: Plant breeder/GMO advocate**
College: University of Wisconsin (Big 10)
Fun fact: Collects old U.S. News and World Report magazines
**He’s an anesthesiologist.
Occupation: Enterprise security solutions salesman
College: Purdue (Big 10)
Fun fact: Designs serif fonts in his spare time
*This is Garin
**He’s a professor of journalism at the University of Southern California.
Name: Thatcher “Thatch” Lively*
Occupation: Beverage entrepreneur. His craft hard seltzer, Kewl Aid, can be found in three Aurora, CO, liquor stores.**
College: Ohio State (Big 10)
Fun fact: Has a genetic mutation that doesn’t allow him to grow toenails
*This is Kenny.
**He’s a boy band manager.
Occupation: STEAM advocate/grifter**
College: University of Michigan (Big 10)
Fun fact: He actually thinks your stick figure family is cute.
*This is Bennett.
**He’s a Wealth Management Consultant.
Occupation: Little Caesar’s franchise operator. Pizza pizza!**
College: Northwestern (Big 10)
Fun fact: Knows the name of every female character killed off in the James Bond franchise
*This is Dale.
**He’s a former NFL player and current model/brand ambassador.
Occupation: Jerry Falwell Jr’s personal trainer.**
College: Michigan State (Big 10)
Fun fact: Won a planking contest in contest, holding it for 69 minutes. Nice.
*This is Chasen.
**He’s an IT account executive.
Occupation: DMV manager**
College: Indiana (Big 10)
Fun fact: Worked as a stand-in for Tom Cruise on the set of “War of the Worlds”
*This is Zach J.
**He owns a Utah cleaning service company.
Occupation: Middle school math teacher.**
College: University of Illinois (Big 10)
Fun fact: He refers to his rock-hard abs as his “common core.”
*This is Riley.
*He’s a medical malpractice attorney.
Occupation: Weatherman for Waffle House Corp.**
College: University of Minnesota (Big 10)
Fun fact: Collects classic cars like the Mazda Miata
*This is Ivan.
**He’s an aeronautical engineer.
Occupation: Glass blower**
College: University of Iowa (Big 10)
Fun fact: Knows someone who was almost on a plane on 9/11, but that someone ended up changing their flight.
*This is Blake Moynes.
**He is a Canada wildlife manager.
How did I do?* Pretty sure I nailed it. Good luck, Claire. Lots of “dudes can wear jewelry, too” energy in this bunch. Love, Amy xoxo
*Not great, Amy, not great.
Catch all of Heidi’s Bachelorette coverage here.
Amy takes pride in being a grumpy optimist. Want to talk sports ball? Amy is your girl. Her favorite New York Times crossword puzzle day is Tuesday. If your book is set in the former Soviet Union or World War 2, Amy will read it. As a recovered Southern Baptist, she is raising her daughter to be happy.