I’m Horny for Da from Derry Girls
The New York Times recently published The Year Women Got Horny, positing that in 2019, women finally felt okay expressing themselves when their naughty bits got warm and tingly. Example: If we see Democratic Staff attorney Daniel Goldman reading a statement before Congress, we can now declare ourselves horny, a word that is “phonetically speaking…ugly” and “comically inelegant.”
But dear Grey Lady, vocalizing your horniness ain’t new! I follow Hunter Harris on Twitter. I know about 1,000 members of the Outlander fandom where “horny” is the password for entry. I am a 46-year-old Scorpio lady in her prime. Amy been horny.
And for my first official post-launch piece for The Cool Table, let me say it loud and proud: I am horny for the Da from Derry Girls.
Gerry Quinn. Da, Driver, Hot Ass
Da is Gerry Quinn, husband to Mary. Gerry and Mary, living Derry, have two daughters, teenage Erin and the wee Anna. Played by crack comedian Tommy Tiernan, Da is the straight man to the chirping Irish madness swirling about him. Let me itemize the reasons that Da is sexy AF:
Gerry is an outsider. He’s not from Northern Ireland; he’s from the republic of Ireland. He’s the Heathcliffe of Derry.
Gerry is a professional driver, kind of like Ryan Gosling in Drive. Vroom vroom, Da. vroom vroom.
Alright Joe, if you just follow me. It’s all just a bit trickier today. There are so many roadblocks up, there are so many diversions, and you know, I drive for a living. – Gerry from Derry
Gerry is not a wuss. And he if needs to say something, he will say something!
Gerry is a saint, in that has not committed murder. His father-in-law, Joe, is one thing, but his batshit sister-in-law, Sarah McCool, is quite another.
Gerry is a good Da. When he sees his daughter and her friends on TV, after having lied and snuck off to the Take That concert, he smiles and laughs, not ratting them out to their pissed off mothers.
Gerry believes in love. Even when his wife is agog and aghast her father has found a nice lady to go to mass with, Gerry thinks “it’s a good thing,” because “your mother’s been dead ten years, Mary.”
Gerry is incredulous. It’s my favorite personality trait, especially in this age of gaslighting.
“Are ya saying the British government dubbed the voice of Gerry Adams because it’s too sexy?” -Da
Gerry is a provider. Not only does he work hard to put pizza on the table for his family, he also houses his father-in-law, niece, and sister-in-law. While he has not set up a trust fund for Erin, he can afford to buy five seven bags of chips for the Friday night meal.
Gerry can cook and is good under pressure. When pressed in sandwich service during a wake, Da takes competent command of the kitchen.
Where are the scallions! How can you make a salad sandwich if you don’t have scallions?! I asked for them ten minutes ago! Come on now people, let’s get it together, please! And there’s a multi-pack of Taytos still waiting to be bowled up. No cross-contamination this time. I want cheese and onion in one bowl, salt and vinegar in another. -Hot Gerry
Gerry is a silver fox...or at least he is on his way. Da’s curly, graying hair is growing as the Good Lord intended: patchy. And he has that nice little “flavor saver” above his upper lip to remind you he is a grown ass man who can grow a mustache.
Da will cook for you, rock your Lucky Charms, and then drive you home after. If that doesn’t make you horny, nothing will, save the Hot Priest from Fleabag.
You can catch Da’s dead sexiness and Derry Girls (S1/S2) streaming on Netflix.
