Zach Searched for the Right Reasons on The Bachelor
You know it’s week four of The Bachelor when Jesse Palmer enters the mansion with a smile and announces that the women have one hour before their flight to meet Zach in the Bahamas.
Fourteen women in one house getting ready to leave for a flight out of LAX is my literal nightmare.
I can’t even get my ish together that quickly for a trip to Target.
Zach Feels Fireworks with Kat
While Zach’s future ex-girlfriends explored their suite at the Baha Mar Resort in Nassau, Kat received the first one-on-one of the week.
Kat(formerly known as Katherine before that other Cat got sent home) is a 26-year-old registered nurse from Tampa and, according to Zach, she looks like a supermodel.
He’s not wrong.
When Zach wasn’t rubbing SPF all over her body, he was making ahooga ahooga horny cartoon eyes at Kat and saying things like, “I’m a Bahama papa looking for his Bahama mama.”
And,somehow, it worked.
It didn’t matter if they were dancing on a sailboat, snorkeling, or making out on the beach, Kat was feeling Zach.
At dinner that night she opened up about her insecurities surrounding her upbringing. She came from a troubled home and she worried that she is undeserving of the love of someone who came from a stable home, like Zach.
Zach assured her that she was deserving of love and told her, “You’re awesome.”
She got the date rose and they kissed with an unbelievable amount of tongue while fireworks exploded overhead.
Group Dates Suck
The next day Zach met up with Aly, Kaity, Ariel, Davia, Genevie, Anastasia, Kylee, Mercedes, Charity, Gabi, Jess, and Greer for a beach party.
He assured the women that they were just going to take it easy and have a fun day.
Has the man never seen this show?
Technically they danced, tossed shrimp at each other, and did the limbo, but the real story was in the undercurrent.
I’m not even talking about when Gabi was crying because she was allergic to shellfish and she couldn’t take her turn kissing Zach because he had eaten some.
The real story was when Kylee interrupted Zach’s talk with Anastasia. Anastasia asked for a few more minutes and Kylee was like, “I don’t want to fight you about this.” Which Anastasia somehow took as a physical threat.
It wasn’t addressed on the show, but Anastasia is white and Kylee is biracial, and accusing Black women of threatening physical violence when they did no such thing is offensive.
Doesn’t this show know it’s Black history month?
Anyway, at the after-party that night Kyle told Zach that Anastasia was only there for Instagram followers.
Revenge is swift and sweet.
Zach freaked the eff and confronted Anastasia about it, to her denial, but the damage had been done.
Because even though every single one of them is very obviously only there for the Instagram followers we all have to pretend that they aren’t.
The after-party ended with unproblematic Ariel getting the rose and Anastasia in tears.
Brooklyn Surprises Zach
The last one-on-one date in the Bahamas went to Brooklyn a 25-year-old rodeo racer from Oklahoma.
Brooklyn and Zach had major friend vibes on their ATV riding date. She even fist-bumped him after they kissed.
I fully expected her to be sent home on this date.
Then everything changed when she got vulnerable at the dinner portion of their date.
Brooklyn shared through tears that she was physically abused by her boyfriend of six years. Like, horrific, life-changing physical abuse.
Zach was immediately protective and made her feel safe, but I couldn’t help but be concerned that this show was exploiting her greatest trauma.
Not surprised, but concerned.
She got the date rose (obviously) and their relationship took a huge step forward.
Hopefully not at the expense of her privacy.
Not Enough Cocktails in the World for this Party
If Zach has proven anything this season it’s that he’s decisive AF. He walked into the cocktail party with a plan and it didn’t matter what Anastasia said, she was going home.
The man did not come to play.
He’s like a lifesize fly swatter but for potential villains. I can’t believe the show keeps letting him get away with this.
Anyway, he kicked Anastasia off the show and then he spent the rest of the cocktail party making out with Kat on a pool table while the other women cried and panicked.
I think I stan.
A Rose Ceremony to Wrap it Up
Kylee threatened to leave the show before the rose ceremony because she couldn’t stand the embarrassment of being sent home by Zach; but the producers were like, “Nice try, get up on the choir risers, woman.”
And she did.
Thanks to the dates, Kat, Ariel, and Brooklyn already had roses when the ceremony began.
They were soon joined by Charity, Kaity, Gabi, Jess, Mercedes, Aly, Greer, and…Kylee who was being dramatic for nothing.
In the end, Genevie and Davia were sent home with Anastasia.
Only eleven women remain in the
game totally realistic love story.
Next week Zach and his lovely ladies head to London where apparently everything goes wrong. I can’t wait.
Heidi is currently obsessed with watching people make bad decisions on TV, being a coastal elite, artificially avoiding any sign of aging, reading feminist romance novels, and getting the biggest laugh at her own expense. She has a husband, 3 kids, a dog and anxiety.