It’s week four of Peter Weber’s journey to find
disposable income love on The Bachelor. That can only mean one thing: production’s temporary rental agreement with the owner of the Bachelor mansion is finished and it’s time to start their world tour. Did I say world tour? Please excuse me, there are still 15 women remaining on Peter’s roster and flights are expensive. They’re definitely staying domestic.
Pack your bags ladies. Here comes an all expense paid trip to be locked in a hotel suite without access to the outside world while your boyfriend dates multiple other women in…Cleveland?
You should respect yourselves more than this.
The Bachelor Brought an Ex-Boyfriend on a Date
The main takeaway from Peter’s one-on-one date with Victoria F. is that someone on the production team hates her. It’s the only explanation. I’m not talking about the fact that they put the one woman with a self-proclaimed fear of heights on the “flying in a tiny plane and riding roller coasters” date. That’s child’s play.
They made this poor, gorgeous woman dance on a raised platform with her new love interest while her ex-boyfriend country singer Chase Rice serenaded them.
Victoria F. had no idea he was going to be there. Chase Rice had no idea she was going to be there. Peter was introducing himself to Chase and saying stuff like, “If things go right we could have Chase Rice singing at our wedding!” It was prime awkwardness and quite possibly some of the best moments of my adult life. Including the births of my children.
Everyone Gets CTE
By the end of Victoria F.’s date, she and Peter were laughing over the awkwardness. Boring. Let’s have a group date making Kiarra, Kelley, Deandra, Madison, Lexi, Shiann, Tammy, Sydney, Hannah Ann, Savannah, Mykenna, and Victoria P. play tackle football to spice things up.
First of all, no. Second of all, rude. I don’t actively avoid watching football all season long to get stuck watching it on The Bachelor.
But, if I have to, seeing Madison (from the date at Peter’s parent’s vow renewal) lose her mind over the game ending in a tie almost makes up for it.
After Party Crasher
Victoria P. (from the line dancing date last episode) spent the football date getting massaged by Peter on the sidelines. Suspiciously her sore back didn’t stop her from jumping up to claim first dibs at alone time during the after party. Peter is super into the pretty nurse with the sad backstory, but wait, what’s that? Alayah is back after being kicked off last episode? Things are finally looking up (for me).
Alayah thinks Peter was misled by what Victoria P. said about her last week. Victoria had intimated that she barely knew Alayah from before the show, but Alayah brought receipts. Peter didn’t know what to do so he went back to his modus operandi and asked the two women to talk to each other so he didn’t actually have to do any hard work. It was a contentious back and forth that ultimately ended with Peter inviting Alayah back on the show. Go home Peter, you’re
drunk terrible with women.
JK Peter wasn’t done being a dumbass, so he gave Alayah the group date rose in front of all his other girlfriends. Someone on this show deserves a promotion.
Based on the last one-on-one date of the episode, the most interesting thing about Kelsey is how champagne explodes on her face. To be fair, it’s not like a day exploring Cleveland and competing in a soap box derby race is anything to write home about. The main story there was that Kelsey’s dad up and moved to Mexico when she was in seventh grade, so she all she wants in life is a stable family like Peter’s. Those are the magic words for mama’s boy, Peter – Kelsey got the date rose. I can almost hear her practicing the Weber family german prayer-song from here.
Alayah Versus the World
Listen, everyone and everything on this season of The Bachelor hates Alayah except gravity. Did you see her in that plunging neckline? Stunning. The good news is, when she was
set free sent home last week she got to go back to the real world where wifi is accessible. The bad news is, out in the real world the live audience at Victoria F.’s date had broken the news about her SNAFU with Chase Rice. No one loves getting to share some grade-A tea more than yours truly, but in this case, bringing that juicy morsol of gossip into the Bachelor cult silo was the final nail on Alayah’s coffin.
Or was it? The episode ended with everyone yelling at everyone at everyone else while Peter paced in front of a fireplace like the Beast waiting for Belle to come to dinner.
The Bachelor is back next week and sorry, not sorry, my top four is finally changing a touch. I’m moving Kelley out and replacing her with Victoria F. She and Peter really seemed to bond over having multiple partners together on one date. That means I have Madison, Victoria F., Holly Ann, and Victoria P. in the top four. Actually, I’m not super confident that he actually likes Hannah Ann, but he has terrible taste in women so I’m keeping her there.
Who are your top picks? Is there any chance Peter actually falls in love on this season? Let’s talk!
Heidi is currently obsessed with watching people make bad decisions on TV, being a coastal elite, artificially avoiding any sign of aging, reading feminist romance novels, and getting the biggest laugh at her own expense. She has a husband, 3 kids, a dog and anxiety.