The Bachelor Recap: Misery in Montreal
It’s only the sixth week of Joey Graziedai’s journey as The Bachelor and we’re already leaving Europe behind for the bustling streets of Montreal, Canada. It’s like Joey looked around at his remaining ten girlfriends, realized at least half of them hated each other, and decided a visit to the politest country on Earth was in order.
Therapy would have been cheaper.
Joey is in a Bachelor spiral
Speaking of therapy, Joey is deep in his feels this episode. The exhaustion of dating dozens of women and the pressure to be perfect finally caught up with him and he is barely holding on. He was in full panic that he won’t deliver the ending Bachelor nation wants fall in love by the end.
My take is that Joey takes a lot of pride in being a “good guy.” To be fair, he is great. He’s the kind of guy you’d let date your sister. However, on a show like this, you can be a good guy for any of them, but you can’t be a good guy for all of them. He’s going to have to hurt people and it’s destroying him.
Let’s put him on a group date with eight women!
Emotional in Montreal
I’m starting to think Jesse Palmer put “speak french” into his Bachelor contract, because that man has never been happier than he is speaking his native language in his country of origin.
With a giant smile and outstretched arms he welcomed the women to Montreal and handed them the first date card. Eight women would go on a scavenger hunt around the city while two of them returned to the hotel to wait for their one-on-one dates.
No one wants a group date ever, but on week six it’s even worse. They all feel like Joey is their boyfriend and that they’re being forced on a non-consensual episode of Sister Wives. They’d rather be anywhere else than watching him kiss and flirt with other women.
Dejectedly, Rachel, Lexi, Jess, Katelyn, Joey, Lea, Jenn, Daisy, and Kelsey A. met up with Joey for a date of shopping for souvenirs, talking to a couple playing chess, making poutine, dancing to accordion music, and playing field hockey.
Everyone was miserable.
The fun didn’t stop at the after party where Joey depressingly reassured each woman as they cried and told him how insecure they’re feeling. He looked like he was being repeatedly hit by a truck.
By the time Joey got to Jess (fought with Maria last episode) he was emotionally spent. She barely got the words “I’m falling for yo-” out of her mouth before he sighed and said he couldn’t return the feelings. Jess was shocked as they rode an elevator down and walked out to the street together. He said goodbye and she left the show for good.
The remaining seven women from the group date were surprised to see her go, but Joey wasted no time giving out the group date rose so he could get out of there.
It came as no surprise to me that Jenn got the rose. She was the only woman who stayed positive and fun during her conversations with Joey and at the end of the day, Joey is a simple man.
Let’s keep this thing moving
There’s no rest for the weary, so the next day Joey was on yet another date. This time he was with Kelsey T. the gorgeous 31-year-old actor from Los Angeles.
I know, I smell Bachelorette potential too, hang tight.
Kelsey T. and Joey did some aerial silks training with an instructor from Cirque du Soleil that made Joey so nauseated he could barely walk.
Somehow he pulled himself together in time for dinner that night where Kelsey confessed her sad backstory™. Kelsey’s Father rejected her when she chose to attend college and pursue a life outside of the constrains of his religion.
Obviously, Kelsey was deeply hurt by this trauma, and Joey loves wiping the tears away from a woman he’s attracted to, so she got the date rose.
They kissed while an aerial dancer performed above them in…hold on…were they in a church talking about religious trauma that whole time?
Never change, Bachelor, never change.
More Maria
Joey said “eff them haters,” and gave the last date of the week to none other than Maria.
Maria’s name has constantly been in the other women’s mouths (namely Sydney, Jess, and Lea) but her tongue is about to be in Joey’s.
She stays winning.
The only way to describe Maria (29, Ontario) is fun. Sure she’s beautiful, in fact she looks a bit like Joey’s sisters, but mostly, she’s confident and sure of herself. She sucks Joey in with her playful teasing and flirting like a happy little moth to her bright flame.
In repayment, she got the fantasy rich girl date with a butler, limo, gown shopping spree, and helicopter tour.
At one point she asked Joey was he liked the most about Montreal and he said, “this date with you.”
I die.
Maria gave Joey a fun, flirty day, so she obviously got the rose and a private concert by Feist.
I don’t know if Maria is the one for Joey, but she might just be the one for me.
That was fun while it lasted
Joey had barely made it back to the hotel before Lexi came knocking at his door.
Earlier, during the group date, Lexi had asked Joey to explain his ideal timeline for the future. He was direct and admitted that he’d like a 2-3 year engagement and then a couple of years as a married couple before having children.
This seems pretty reasonable considering he’s 28 and likely to be engaged to a women he has only known for eight weeks. However, as we learned on her one-on-one date last week, Lexi has fertility issues due to her endometriosis. Being that she is 30-years-old and desperate to have children before her body isn’t able, a five year wait is too long for her to seriously consider.
Lexi told Joey that she doesn’t have the privilege of waiting to have kids so she left the show.
Queue an emotional spiral from Joey in 3..2..1..
It’s not that Lexi was ever going to be his person, but it still triggered Joey’s fear of ending up alone or rejected at the end of this journey.
Why does anyone agree to go on this show?
More misery at the cocktail party
As per usual, the cocktail party was everyone’s last chance to throw their emotional baggage on Joey’s already overladen back.
Katelyn is falling for him. Daisy reminds him why he signed up for this thing in the first place. Jenn taught him how to play piano.
Everyone looked about half a second away from stabbing each other in the eye with their high heels.
Finally, the Rose Ceremony
Tensions were high as the eight women waited for Joey to enter the room.
Jenn, Kelsey T., and Maria were breathing easy with their date roses in hand, but the other five women nervously eyed the three date roses resting ominously on the plate.
The first rose went to Daisy.
The second went to Kelsey A.
The final rose would go to Katelyn (family curse of singledom), Lea (first impression rose/hates Maria), or Rachel (Hawaiian ICU nurse).
It went to Rachel.
And just like that there were only six women left.
Next Monday on The Bachelor, Joey and his harem will be in Jasper, Canada where he will decide which four women will take him to their hometowns.
