Nothing’s Easy for Charity in New Orleans

Heidi

Heidi is currently obsessed with watching people make bad decisions…

It’s only week five of Charity’s journey as The Bachelorette and she’s already down to six potential fiances. By the end of this episode, she will decide which four of the men’s hometowns she will visit next week.

It takes me longer than that to narrow down the items in my online shopping carts.

Dotun, Xavier, Sean, Charity, Aaron, Tanner, Joey

Pressure is on but they’re in New Orleans so at least there are beignets.

Joey is all in for Charity

The first date of the week went to 27-year-old tennis pro, Joey. Now, typically I’d take one look at Joey, learn of his profession, hear that he currently lives in Hawaii, and I’d immediately dismiss him. With a rap sheet like that, this man belongs on the sweaty beaches of Paradise, not getting down on one knee in front of an overachieving southern belle.

But Joey is full of surprises.

It doesn’t matter if they were on a horse-drawn carriage ride, or kissing each other in front of a brass band, this man is in the moment. He is constantly reassuring her about his feelings, making deep eye contact, and generally looking like a smitten kitten.

I’d be putty in his hands too, Charity. Solidarity.

Things got more serious that night when Charity broached the subject of being in an interracial relationship. Apparently, her ex was ignorant about what it was like to be with a Black woman and unwilling to learn or face the realities of the everyday racism they encountered.

Joey told her that while he has never dated a Black woman before, he would make it his job to educate himself because he “sees her for the entire person that she is.”

It was a naive response in my opinion, but he also told her that he was falling in love with her, so that rose was on lock.

Joey is going to hometowns. Only three spots remain.

Two boys on the Bayou

The next day the rest of the men were dying to get the next date invitation, but when it finally arrived they were ready to pass it off like a game of hot potato.

It was the dreaded two-on-one date.

Sean (25, software sales, thinks he’s Ken) and Tanner (30, mortgage lender, tall but boring) were the unlucky men chosen for a date on the bayou with Charity.

Both men reacted like they had been kicked in the gut, but Sean took solace in the fact that at least one of them would be going home with the date rose. Not so fast, Seany boy, we’ve seen many two-on-one dates end as none-on-one dates and there’s absolutely no reason to think this one would end any differently.

They spent the date on an alligator tour boat with a cajun man who thought this whole thing was ridiculous. Tanner was quiet and awkward, but also tall and hot. Sean was boisterous and confident, but also annoying.

They reconvened that night for dinner where Tanner fought for his life and Sean continued to coast on their previous connection. Sean was so confident that he was getting the rose that he was mentally packing Tanner’s bags.

But then Charity decided not to send anyone home at all. Oh, and she also decided not to give anyone the rose.

Ma’am, you just wasted my and the gator guide’s time.

Tanner was thrilled about his stay of execution while Sean fumed in indignation.

I miss the good old days of two-on-ones when someone would have been left behind in the middle of the gator swamp with a hatchet and a prayer.

Charity has these men stressed

The bad times rolled on in New Orleans when yet another envelope was delivered for the men. This time the pressure was even worse.

Aaron hasn’t had a date since week two and he’s on his home turf in New Orleans so he is dying for some alone time with Charity. Sean is pissed that he doesn’t have a rose because he’s never been told no before. Xavier is sick and tired of these men. Tanner is just happy to be there. Joey is staying quiet with his rose. Then there’s Dotun who had a magical date only last week so he doesn’t expect much.

Surprise! The last one-on-one date went to Dotun.

Dotun is having a great time

Sucks for the rest of those losers, but Dotun is living his best life.

I mean, not his BEST life because this date was running a 10k fun run and nothing sounds worse to me, but still, he’s living.

He and Charity had another great day together, and it only went deeper that night.

Dotun told her that she has taken his heart and run with it, but his brain is telling him that he doesn’t deserve a fairytale. He said that he’s working on listening more to his heart because he’s falling in love with her.

Charity lit up like the Fourth of July. She said she felt like she got electrocuted when he said those words.

Obviously, he got the date rose, and the second ticket to hometowns was officially his.

Guys, I’m #TeamDotun for life.

Another envelope of doom

There’s nothing this show likes more than making these men even more miserable, so they handed out a group date invitation right before Dotun returned with his rose.

It went about as well as you’d think.

Unsurprisingly, none of these dudes wanted to go on a date with their girlfriend and her other boyfriends days before introducing her to their family. But hey, that’s the name of the game, right? You just gotta suck it up and keep your pride.

Not Sean though. Seany doesn’t like being told no.

I get the feeling Sean is insufferable to the drink cart girls at his golf course, you know what I mean?

Sean was not a happy Ken doll. He was pacing the room and harping on about needing validation and deserving answers. So he considered Charity’s feelings and decided to talk to her about it later.

JK, he went to find Charity’s hotel room to demand answers.

Charity greeted him happily, but when he told her how upset he was, her hackles went right up.

Seany boy, she doesn’t like you enough for this. You have overplayed your hand in an absurd way. Obviously, she sent him packing.

There is no way that his story arc was ever going to end any other way, but he still seemed shocked about it and Charity was surprisingly sad.

Cheer up, buttercup, it only gets worse from here.

Last Two Roses

The last day in New Orleans had Xavier, Tanner, and Aaron riding a street car to meet Charity for one last awkward group date.

Well, they were calling this a group date but there was no actual activity planned. The men just sat staring at the two roses on a plate while Charity spent time with each of them individually.

Aaron used his time to tell Charity that this had been the hardest week of his life. HIS. LIFE. Like, geez, I know you wanted a date, but this wasn’t 9/11.

She said she understood if things had changed for him since it was so hard and he was like, “Nah, girl, I’m all yours!”

During his time, Tanner admitted that introducing Charity to his family is a little scary. You know, because they’ve never actually had a date. He’s cute and all, but why is he still here?

Then there was Xavier who used his moment with Charity to tell her that he is historically terrified of commitment and isn’t sure he believes in being with one woman forever. Great timing, buddy.

When it came time to hand out the roses Charity offered one to Aaron who accepted it like a dying man getting water in a desert.

But then she held the second rose and told Tanner and Xavier that she wasn’t ready to make a decision right then. They’d have to discuss it that night.

Someone put Tanner out of his misery.

The final rose

That evening, Charity arrived at Tanner’s door to tell him that it was not fair to meet his family under these circumstances. He was going home.

Girlfriend, we all saw this ending coming from a mile away. What was up with the drama? Ohhhh, wait…Tanner reacted perfectly. He was a gentleman, respectful, complimented her in his interviews, and then cried with a broken heart.

I smell a Bachelor edit.

With Tanner gone, the only man left was Xavier. Charity went to his room and told him that she didn’t have to hand out the last rose, but she wanted to. He’s going to hometowns.