Katie Thurston has been dating her three remaining boyfriends for approximately fifteen minutes, so it must be time to meet the parents on hometown dates. Obviously, by “hometowns” I mean short visits in the confines of their hotel prison.
It could be worse. The first time I met my husband’s parents I was having dinner at the home of one of my professors and saw pictures of my boyfriend all over the house. I was apparently dating my professor’s son. I got a 4.0 and a man that semester.
Anyway, if you’ve seen the trailer for this episode we know tonight is the night things get messy. Like, Katie locks herself in a bathroom and asks for a plane ticket home kind of messy.
Blake Takes Katie to “Canada”
If you saw Serena P.’s hometown date with Matt James, you saw Katie and Blake’s. We get it, you’re Canadian. I would have been more impressed if he showed Katie a hospital bill from a country with universal healthcare, but instead, they threw darts and rode a fake moose. Blake said he chose a moose because they don’t have horses in Canada, but the entire Royal Canadian Mounted Police beg to differ.
Then they played street hockey directly across from Greg’s room and made out while he watched and spiraled. The cruelty of The Bachelorette producers knows no bounds. I live for it.
That night it was all about Blake not being in love yet. So much so that at one point his mom told him to “Man the f**k up and tell her you love her.” There was some more street hockey, because Canadian, and then the moment came when he was kissing her goodnight. He pulled her close, took a deep breath, and said, “I feel so good about you.” Quitter.
Justin Takes Hometown Dates to Baltimore
Justin took Katie on a Baltimore-inspired hometown date which went exactly how you’d expect. They ate crabs. That’s literally everything I know about Baltimore both before and after watching this date. No disrespect to The Wire.
The big issue with this hometown was that Justin’s parents did not show up. He called them to see how they were feeling and his mom was like, “there’s zero chance this is real.” And we were all like, “We know, let us live!”
Instead, two of Justin’s BFFs were there. They were skeptical because neither Katie nor Justin has declared their feelings for each other yet. Apparently, all of Justin’s past relationships ended because he couldn’t be vulnerable. Justin was like, “there’s still time!” But his friend was like, “there are two weeks bro.” So Justin told Katie that he’s falling in love with her.
No chance he regrets that.
Greg Takes Katie to the Jersey Shore
For the last of the “hometown” dates, Greg took Katie to New Jersey. Or at least they rode a tandem bike, fake surfed, ate sandwiches, and finished it up with Italian ice.
Things took a sentimental turn when he took her to play basketball since it was how he used to bond with his deceased dad. The fact that both of them have lost their fathers at an early age is a huge part of their relationship, so it tracks. In fact, I’d argue that their relationship is deeper than the others because of it.
Their date ended when it started fake raining again while they kissed in the downpour like Noah and Allie in The Notebook. It was hot.
Katie Meets Greg’s Family at Hometown Dates
That night, Greg’s mom, brother, and a friend were in “town” to meet Katie. They also brought along an adorable home video from each of his family members that made everyone sob, so the family vibes were strong.
Greg kept saying that no one has seen him truly happy since his dad passed, and his loved ones noticed it too. He told them that he and Katie already have plans to live in New York and that he’s in love with her.
For Katie’s part, she essentially told Greg’s mom that he’s her front-runner without saying it explicitly.
By all accounts, Greg and Katie are end game.
Then Things Got Messy
Did I say end game? I meant, it was the end of the game.
After Greg and Katie left his family on a high, Greg took his moment to tell Katie everything he’s feeling. He’s in love with her. He’s never been more vulnerable or sure of anything in his life and he only plans to propose once in his life – to her.
To which Katie said, “I just love looking at you.”
If I thought Greg was spiraling before, I had no idea what a spiraling Greg looked like.
Katie tried to tell him to hang in there. They’re so close to the end/fantasy suites when she can say anything she wants in private. You can do this.
Pull it together, Greg!
Greg Does Not Pull it Together
To be clear, up until this moment I was firmly team Greg. I thought Katie’s non-response to his declaration of love was odd and that he had the right to be upset. That’s about to change.
The next thing we saw after Greg and Katie’s “hometown” was Greg deciding to confront Katie in her hotel room. And when I say “confront” I mean it.
Katie started the conversation by saying, “You seem like you’re still not okay.” To which Greg replied snidely, “You seem fine.”
Greg felt like his feelings weren’t validated to the exact measure he was expecting. I don’t know if he was expecting to tell Katie that he’s in love with her and for her to throw a parade or something, but he wasn’t happy.
Did he have a valid point that she wasn’t super receptive in the moment? Yes.
Did he need to berate her, not give her room to speak, and accuse her of everything from being surface level to being fake? HELL NO.
He kept repeating that she lost him when she stopped acting like “his Katie” in that one single moment. How about a little grace for the girl you claim you love everything about?
Katie begged him to stay, but Greg said, “I deserve more than this, I’m done” and stormed off.
Katie Wants to Quit
With Greg gone, Katie is fully over it. She started yelling for people to book her a flight out of New Mexico and locked herself in the bathroom.
In a human moment, Kaitlyn Bristowe sat on the floor outside of her bathroom and talked her through it all. This was classic girl supports girl. As a former Bachelorette, Kaitlyn was able to relate to her experience and how lonely it is. She even admitted that at one point on her season she cried into a salad* and wanted to quit.
Eventually, their shared experience led Katie to let Kaitlyn in the bathroom where you could hear her sobbing into her arms, and the episode ended there.
Honestly, Chris Harrison could never.
*We all think that was Nick Viall’s fault, right?
How are we going to get a happy ending at the finale next week after that? How? Also, what the actual hell was that montage during the credits in Greg’s honor? Was he supposed to be the victim? You can go ahead and stop that right now. Anyway, next week’s finale is 3 hours. It’ll be…something.
Heidi is currently obsessed with watching people make bad decisions on TV, being a coastal elite, artificially avoiding any sign of aging, reading feminist romance novels, and getting the biggest laugh at her own expense. She has a husband, 3 kids, a dog and anxiety.