The Bachelor Recap: Joey’s Fantasy Suite Dates Ended in Tears

Heidi

Heidi is currently obsessed with watching people make bad decisions…

Bienvenidos a México to everyone except Joey who was crying within the first three minutes of fantasy week on The Bachelor.

It’s okay, Joey, who among us hasn’t been stressed about taking their three girlfriends on back-to-back overnight dates in Tulum?

Rachel gets advice

First up on Joey’s fantasy suite buffet was Rachel who shocked us all when she recieved the final rose over fan-favorite Maria last episode.

Rachel is happy to be in Tulum, and she likes Joey, but she can’t help but feel that she’s behind ~~Kelsey~~ the other women. She could use some reassurance before her date began.

Enter Jesse.

Hello? Jesse? Where’d Jesse go?

He must have been off having a tennis lesson from Joey or something, because he schlepped his hosting duties off onto Susan from The Golden Bachelor.

Why Susan? I have no idea. The women on that cast must have signed ironclad contracts guaranteeing them appearances in perpetuity. Or maybe she’s the next Golden Bachelorette? IDK, it was weird.

Regardless, Susan told Rachel that if she loves Joey she has to let her guard down and be vulnerable.

Thanks, Susan. She never would have thought of that.

That wasn’t a waste of our time at all.

Things got worse

After leaving Susan behind, Rachel joined Joey at a cenote which he described as an “underwater cave situation”.

Ever the wordsmith.

They’d spend their day jumping off of platforms into the water below. This gave them the opportunity to see each other half naked, but also served as a metaphor for “jumping” into love.

So it wasn’t a great sign when Rachel jumped face first into the water.

Immediately it was clear that she had injured her jaw. The poor woman couldn’t even open it wide enough to speak.

That’s going to make the fantasy suite fun later.

Rachel tried to play off her injury, but she needed to go to the hospital. The rest of their date was spent getting x-rays in a Mexican emergency room before she eventually got the all clear.

I’m not saying that ending up in an ER is a bad sign, but it’s not a great one.

Their date continued that night with no visible food in sight assumedly because Rachel would have had to eat it through a straw. There was wine, however, and there was the overarching theme that Rachel is working hard to “open up” to Joey.

You know, opening her jaw, opening her heart, opening her…fantasy suite.

The jokes write themselves.

Joey had already seen her in a hospital bed so it makes sense that Rachel felt comfortable enough to spend the night with him.

When they woke up next to each other the next morning she told him that she’s in love with him.

The direct quote was “it was hard, but you made it easy.”

I’ll see myself out.

Kelsey gets terrible advice

While Joey was peeling himself from Rachel’s bed, Kelsey was excitedly preparing for her date when yet another Golden Bachelorette arrived to offer some unsolicited advice.

Leslie and Kelsey quickly bonded over their shared experience of losing their mothers at a young age. There was a touching moment when Kelsey cried because Leslie said that her mom would be proud of her.

But I have a bone to pick with Ms. Leslie.

You know how Susan told Rachel to open up? Yeah, well, Leslie was left heartbroken as Gerry’s runner-up so she told Kelsey to protect herself and to consider the thought that Joey will dump her.

Does she want to fight?

They’re on a boat

Leslie’s advice was wriggling deep into Kelsey’s psyche as she walked towards Joey for their date on a boat, but you’d never know there was trouble in paradise if you only looked at Joey.

He’s obsessed with her.

The music swells when he sees her. His face lights up like a kid on Christmas. She complained about her hair being crazy, and he basically offered to cut a piece of it off and create a shrine to it because it’s perfect.

All he is waiting for is for Kelsey to say that she loves him and it’ll be game over.

For the first time this season it feels like the roles have finally reversed. Kelsey may not realize it, but she’s in the driver’s seat.

That was further proven that night when Joey told Kelsey that he’s scared he won’t be chosen in the end. Rather than be the recipient of Joey’s reassurance, Kelsey became the reassurer.

She told Joey that she’s in love with him.

Joey was so relieved that he blurted out, “I am falling in love with you fully. I’ve felt it for a while”.

They spent the night together, but we didn’t see them lounging in bed the next morning like usual. Instead they made a perfectly domestic scene making breakfast together. He even lifted her onto the counter for a kiss that belongs in a romance novel.

They have to be endgame right?

You’re up, Daisy

Not so fast, Daisy still has her chance ~~to mess everything up for Kelsey~~ with Joey.

Before Daisy could take her turn, she had to sit down for a real quick convo with yet another Golden Bachelorette.

Sandra listened patiently while Daisy explained that she never thought she’d find love after losing her hearing and getting a cochlear implant. She thinks that Joey has changed her whole life.

Sandra’s advice was to be sexy and open with her feelings, but I would have had very different advice for Miss Daisy. I would have told her that she doesn’t owe Joey or this process anything except honesty.

I know it’s not a popular opinion and I could be way off, but I’m not convinced that Daisy actually likes Joey. I think she thinks she should like Joey. Which is a very different thing.

Whatever, lets watch them ride a ATV together.

Joey and Daisy spent their day drivng through mud puddles making out in a shower.

Close your eyes, Kelsey! You don’t want to see this.

That night, Joey told Daisy that he’s insecure about where he stands. He’s afraid that people (Daisy) will fall in love with “Joey the bachelor” not the real him.

Daisy took this as her sign to tell him that falling in love with him is fun.

I don’t know if that was the reassurance he was looking for, but he told her that he’s falling in love with her too. He’s just not sure how far it will grow.

Well, it certainly grew far enough to make it to the fantasy suites because they woke up together the next morning.

Daisy was giddy as they kissed good-bye.

He’s in so much trouble.

Where’s the fantasy now?

Meanwhile Kelsey has had nothing to do but stew while the man she loves spends the night with her friend so, she was having an existential crisis.

She is fully in love with this man, but she can’t stop the alarm bells that Leslie set off from ringing in her head.

Where’s Leslie? I just want to talk.

Kelsey even got up the nerve to his room so they could talk, but he was off showering with Daisy or something, so she ended up shoving a note into his door jam.