The newest season of The Bachelor takes over our Monday nights beginning January 6th. I, for one, cannot wait to witness a bevy of perfectly coiffed Instagram models feign interest in another basic white guy.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being a basic white guy. I’m happily married to one and, if my son’s insistence on rolling his socks all the way up is any indication, I’m raising another. All I’m saying is that it’s 2020 and we don’t have flying cars yet – the least we should have is a Bachelor who would stand out in the crowd at a Dave Matthew’s Band concert.
Alas, here we are with perfectly pleasant 28 year-old commercial airline pilot Peter Weber.
We’ve all dated this dude at least once. He’s the kind of man you’d happily introduce to your parents after of a day of posing for perfectly lit photos in the cockpit of the plane he’s flying. He’d pick you up in his absurdly expensive sports car and then smile sheepishly when you find condoms in the console. He’d sing his family’s traditional German prayer next to you at dinner and then have sex with you four times in a Greek windmill-turned-AirBNB.
Yes, those are all actual things he did on Hannah’s season of The Bachelorette.
Never mind, he’s perfect.
Heidi is currently obsessed with watching people make bad decisions on TV, being a coastal elite, artificially avoiding any sign of aging, reading feminist romance novels, and getting the biggest laugh at her own expense. She has a husband, 3 kids, a dog and anxiety.