Jenn Tran is Already Down Bad on The Bachelorette
Jenn Tran kicked off the 21st season of The Bachelorette on Monday night with 25 men and the dream of getting enough followers to never work again finding love.
When we last saw Jenn, she was getting dumped right before hometown dates by Bachelor Joey. Now she’s the star of her own show.
She stays winning.
Who is The Bachelorette anyway?
Jenn is a 26-year-old first-generation Vietnamese-American who lives in Miami but grew up in New Jersey. She’s bilingual and was in school to become a Physician Assistant before she put it on pause to be one of Joey’s girlfriends.
If I was as hot as she is I’d do the same.
Jenn says she never had a good example of romantic love at home, but her history of toxic relationships has taught her what she deserves.
I’d like to ask her therapist about that.
Importantly, Jenn is the first ever Asian-American lead in the entire Bachelor franchise. I can hear you now, “How is she the first in the year 2024???”
Because…The Bachelor.
*Quick moment of silence while I pray that this toxic franchise and fan base don’t screw this up for us.
Where are we?
Okay, it’s time to meet the 25 men Jenn will be dating on The Bachelorette, but first, where the hell are we?
This is not the wet driveway of the fake tuscan Bachelor mansion we know and are concerned may be falling down.
Nope, it’s Hummingbird Nest Ranch in Simi Valley.
The other place must have been turned into an AirBnb or something
Let’s meet the cast of Bachelor in Paradise
You know this season did not come to play when the first man out of the limo was Marcus a 31-year-old ex-Army Ranger who LITERALLY got blown up by a grenade in Iraq.
Row 3: Sam M., Spencer, Brendan, Hakeem, Jahaan
Row 2: Brett, Kevin, Austin, Aaron, Devin, Ricky
Front row: Moze, Tomas A., Marcus, Jeremy, Jenn Tran, Thomas, Jonathon J., Dakota, Matt. (Disney/Michael Kirchoff)
That’s hard to follow-up, but Sam N. is a 25-year-old “love virgin” who curls his eyelashes and has a compelling storyline as an Iranian immigrant.
Unfortunately, he shares a name with Sam M. who is tall, has a southern accent, was dumped by his middle school sweetheart, and looks like the AI generated love child of Tyler Cameron, Shawn Booth, and Juan Pablo.
Good luck with that, love virgin. There can only be one Sam.
There’s always Brendon who walked up to her in near cardiac arrest because he ate several hot peppers to prove he could “handle the heat.”
Devin arrived with an entire backstory about being annoyingly loud, but Jenn compared him to Pete Davidson so I guess it’s working for him.
A dude named Hakeem brought enough balloons to float the house from UP until they all popped on a tree.
There are at least three athletes on the cast who totally would have gone pro if they hadn’t gotten injured.
In a fun little twist, Noah Erb (hated Bennett on Claire’s season/engaged to Abigail from Paradise) has a divorced fraternal twin brother named Aaron who showed up on a motorcycle.
JESSE PALMER, JENN TRAN, TOMAS
Tomas brought two puppies which was a huge selling point until Jesse Palmer took them away.
Real Estate Investor, Jeremy drove up in a Corvette but assured her that he still has a huge dick. I’m not kidding.
Finally, Jonathan J. arrived with his head wrapped in ace bandages and naked under a hospital gown because he was “love sick”.
JENN TRAN, JOHNATHAN J.
I hate it here.
Let’s get this party started
Jenn was about 0.5 seconds finished giving her little welcome speech to her reverse harem when Sam M. stole her for the first conversation of the night.
Let the games begin.
The sparks were FLYING between Sam M. and Jenn but she still turned to give him her cheek when he went in for the kiss because she’s a lady or something.
She continued to avoid kisses as she navigated the rest of the night through dozens of other conversations, unwrapping Jonathan’s face, and playing a game of Truth of Dare that ended in one of the men streaking.
TOMAS, JENN TRAN, DEVIN, DAKOTA, JAHAAN, SPENCER, KEVIN, BRENDAN, SAM M., AUSTIN, DYLAN, JEREMY
Things got even cringier when Jeremy tried to take Jenn in a ride in his corvette only to discover that Brian had taken the keys. However, the men were all still in that frat house infatuation era with each other so there really wasn’t a lot of drama.
That’ll come later.
First Impression Rose
I didn’t need to be a self-described expert on The Bachelorette to know that Jenn was giving the First Impression Rose to Sam M.
The girl was down bad.
She told him that she couldn’t stop thinking about him and he was like, “Yeah, obviously, look at me.”
Sam M. went in for a kiss for the second time of the night onyl this time Jenn greeted him with a full make-out session on the couch.
Sam M. has so many red flags he’s going to haunt my nightmares, but I can’t blame her. He is gorgeous.
Rose Ceremony time
By the time the Rose Ceremony began, it was fully daylight outside and everyone looked like they wanted to die.
Jenn only had 17 additional roses to hand out which meant 7 men were going home.
Most disappointing was Brett who seemed like a cool guy who also happened to be one of the first plus-sized humans in this franchise. I hope he comes back for Paradise and pulls a Grocery Store Joe.
Joining Brent on the world’s saddest limo ride home were hot pepper Brendan, Dakota, Kevin, Matt, Moze, and Ricky.
Jenn ended the episode with a champagne toast and the announcement that they were all leaving for Melbourne, Australia.
This is not The Bachelorette of my youth.
