The Bachelor Recap: Everyone is a Girl Dad at Hometowns

Heidi

Heidi is currently obsessed with watching people make bad decisions…

Do you remember when everyone used to say Mondays were for The Bachelor, yoga pants, and wine? This week they were for The Bachelor, Joey looking contemplative while sitting on park benches, and dads who love their daughters.

Put that on a T-shirt.

Kelsey + Joey

Joey began his tour de girlfriends’ hometowns with a stop in New Orleans to see Kelsey.

(No disrespect to Kelsey T., but I for one, have never been happier to drop an initial from someone’s last name as I was when Kelsey A. became just Kelsey.)

That one song from Princess and the Frog played in the background while Joey and Kelsey road tandem bikes, ate beignets, and discussed their potential future together. The only thing bigger than Joey and Kelsey’s smiles during this date was her hair.

That Louisiana humidity is no joke.

Never far from mind was Kelsey’s late mom whom she felt was with her throughout the day in the form of butterflies. There were so many butterflies on this date that even I was starting to believe it was her mother.

That evening, smiley Kelsey introduced Joey to her brother, sister, and the world’s most perfect dad, Mark. Joey passed everyone’s vibe checks with flying colors, but it was her dad who really stole the show.

The way he spoke with such love and respect for his deceased wife was matched only by the love and respect he so clearly has for Kelsey.

He encouraged her to take the risk of love knowing that it always comes with the possibility of heartbreak. Who would know that better than a man who lost the love of his life?

I’m not crying you are.

Kelsey’s dad said that he hopes she comes home engaged and, after this date, I do too.

Rachel + Joey

Joey’s next stop should have been in Hawaii to meet Rachel’s family, but The Bachelor blew their travel budget in Canada or something so they were at Rachel’s “auntie’s” house in Rancho Cucamonga, California.

If you know anything about Hawaiian culture you know “auntie” could be the honorific they gave some nice lady they met on the street, but in this case, her blood relatives flew in as well.

Rachel and Joey probably had a date that day, but all they showed was her giving him some last minute cultural tips while sitting on a bench in a park.

Rachel was stressed, but she didn’t need to be because if there’s one thing Joey is going to do, it’s put people at ease.

He nailed the mano po greeting, ate a pigs ear, played cornhole with her nephew, and danced a traditional Filipino dance.

Meanwhile, Rachel’s parents were beyond skeptical. They liked Joey fine, but they’re terrified of Rachel being hurt like she was in a previous relationship. They encouraged her to “stay even keel” and to keep her guard up.

Rachel listened tearfully, but ultimately took the advice of her sister, which was to let her guard down and give Joey the truth.

She’s falling in love with him.

Daisy +Joey

Soon, ~~Hawaii~~ Rancho Cucamonga was behind him and Joey was on a Christmas tree farm in Becker, Minnesota to visit Daisy’s hometown.

They took a hay bale ride, made a kid uncomfortable by asking if Joey was naughty or nice, and decorated an ornament with a wish for their relationship to “grow and blossom”…you know…because her name is Daisy.

At one point her friends all showed up at the Christmas tree farm which made Daisy super emotional. She told them that Joey has shown her that having a cochlear implant doesn’t make her unlovable.

Nice work Joey, but damn, that’s dark.

The overall theme of Daisy’s hometown was that she can’t say “I love you” to Joey until her parents have met him and given their blessing.

What is this, 1754?

This is Joey we are talking about so of course her parents love him. In fact, they saw straight through Daisy’s b.s. right away and knew that she was scared and holding herself back.

Her dad was like, “What’s the worse thing that could happen? It’s not like you’re going to lose your hearing or something.”

It was the exact push that Daisy needed to Joey that she is falling in love with him.

Maria + Joey

Joey’s last stop took him back to Canada where he met Maria at Niagara Falls. They took shots of maple whiskey and did cartwheels on the deck of the Maid of the Mist.

Maria brings out Joey’s inner child, but he didn’t come to play with his happily ever after. She really screwed things up last week when she threatened to go home and this was her last chance to fix it.

They sat on yet another bench while Maria explained that she had just been scared and acting out of self-protection. She admitted that she’s never brought anyone home before, and it all just got to her.

It’s like you could see the red flags became too big for Joey to ignore in real time.

Speaking of red flags, you might think that the Italian music playing in the background and Maria’s dad’s mafioso like hand gestures would make the rest of her hometown a disaster but it was the opposite. Her dad is my everything.

I mean, I’m pretty sure he’d murder anyone who hurts his family, but underneath all of that was just a dad who loves his daughter.

I’m sensing a theme here and I like it.

Joey can’t help himself, so of course he hit if off with all of them. In fact, by the end of the night, Maria’s dad was mopping tears from his face with a napkin and giving his blessing to their potential engagement.

Joey should teach classes.

In their last moments, Maria tried to tell Joey that she’s falling for him, but she got too scared and hit him with a “I want you to know…yeah…I feel strongly for you…um…I appreciate you being here.”

Way to choke, girl.

Who is going to overnight dates?

Finally, Maria, Rachel, Daisy, and Kelsey arrived wearing gowns and chunky heels to that one airplane hangar this show loves to use.

They were lined up and ready to meet their doom when Joey walked in, grabbed the first rose, and…Maria interrupted.

She just couldn’t let him make his decision without telling him how she feels.

They crouched behind a helicopter so that Maria could tell him she’s falling for him, but the writing was written all over wall of Joey’s serious face. Things weren’t looking so good for Maria.

Maria returned to her place in line where Rachel was like, “WTF was that, Maria?!?” Maria said, “Ummm, IDK, I’ll tell you later.”

Awkward.

In front of them, Joey was taking a deep breath and picking up the first rose.

It went to Daisy.

The next went to Kelsey.

The final rose would either go to Maria or Rachel.

It went to Rachel.

You could hear the gasp ripple across Bachelor Nation.

Not our Maria!

Maria had an initial reaction of shock before she quickly shifted it into a smirk. She walked out with her head held high and accepted Joey’s explanation that it would be “dishonest to move forward with the doubts” he has.

There were no tears, there was just cold, hard, acceptance.